Retrospectin'

So, crazy year, huh guys? It was for me, at least. It was going so well that I think I might miss it. I'll put it behind me, though, since that's exactly where it belongs.

I've been thinking--as I'm prone to doing--and I've become acutely aware of how many people think their lives suck. It's funny in a sickening sort of way; someone will uninvited during a normal conversation, confide their "sorrows" with whomever they're speaking. Okay, perhaps that's normal; pity-seeking is pretty regular human behavior, but what's despicable is what immediately follows: the other person, instead of offering pity, will typically challenge them with a similar story of what I'm going to call "faux-woe."

It's so pitiful to watch people engage in this; it's kinda like they're jousting with pool noodles. It's silly, absurd, and it looks stupid.


Now that I'm done being a hypocrite, I need to talk about all the exciting things I've learned (Thanks for the idea, Alice). It's always important to recount what we learn. Even if we're too dumb to understand the things we're taught, we may at least be smart enough to identify them when they happen to us. So, without further ado, my list.

1. There is no "I" in team; there are only people with bad ideas that you can steal and improve in order to make them seem your own. Be sure to take the credit afterwards.


2. The more you learn about how people think, the more shallow and two-dimensional they seem. Surround yourself with as many complex and interesting friends as you can to avoid this.


3. It doesn't matter if there is a god or not. The zeal of religious adherents exerts such a power that it could overcome any deity.


4. Act as foolish as you can. Never let anyone know you're smart. If word gets out, don't take pride in it. Proud intellectuals should get no better than they deserve.


5. Less than 25% of people on last.fm know what "indie" means. Hint: It involves an INDEpendent record label. I am listening to Black Sabbath right now, and sure enough, someone has tagged them as "indie rock." That person is a blithering idiot.


6. As long as I live, I will never find anything as relaxing as smoking a pipe. I realize I have a bit of life ahead of me, but if it doesn't involve pipes, I don't want anything to do with it.


7. It's hard to find love if you're looking for it. It's normal to find love if you're not looking for it. If you're trying to avoid love, it will find you whether you want it to or not.