Something to put in your pipe

I'm feeling cynical--not for any real reason other than that the mood pleases me. That doesn't bode well for my character, and as such, I'm going to bleed this malaise dry by overstepping my bounds in matters far beyond my comprehension. I constantly belabor topics like love and the meaning of life, and for that I'm going to have to apologize. More often than not, I make grandiose claims and try to regal everyone with advice that probably only works for my own foolish self. I guess that contemplating human nature would be appropriate.

In order to save myself from being accused of hypocrisy, it's only right that I give this rant a disclaimer. These are the ravings of a pseudo-intelligent, depraved half-wit that still chuckles at Adult Swim programming. You've been warned.

M. Scott Peck says that to defecate in one's pants is indicative of human nature. (Openness to Challenge). Don't laugh too hard at that; everyone is a frontal lobotomy or one evolutionary rung away from that behavior. Though apt, Dr. Peck's example is incomplete. He fails to mention that while soiling his pants, the human being simultaneously sips tea in fine china with his pinky out.

Am I being nebulous? I'm attempting to express my contempt for highbrow faux-intellectualism that ignores the that which is blatantly disgusting by distracting itself with "higher aspirations." I've probably called myself a philosopher before, and for that I ought to submit myself to eternal penance. I don't recall meeting more than a handful of people worthy to be called philosophers. If you call yourself a philosophe--I can just barely believe that I've known someone to call herself this--you are a fool, unless you are also a very specific type of 18th century French writer. Love of wisdom has become love of one's self. We are far too interested in feeding our ravenous egos with an undue sense of superiority at a table of morbid pretentiousness.

For my own part, I'm going to handle the term with more than a modicum of care. The right word to use: thinker. At least the claims made by that term are less heinously incorrect.

From Montaigne, an actual philospher:
"I have always felt grateful to that girl from Miletus who, seeing the local philosopher with his eyes staring upwards, constantly occupied in contemplating the vault of heaven, tripped him up, to warn him that there was time enough to occupy his thoughts with things above the clouds when he had accounted for everything lying before his feet. You can make exactly the same reproach as that woman made against Thales against anyone concerned with philosophy: he fails to see what lies before his feet."

Take this to heart, "philosophers."

I feel better now. That was better than a cigarette. I like to walk on the dark side every now and then, but I may never know why I only really like my writing when it's invective and incendiary.
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Soundtrack:
N.I.B - Primus with Ozzy - Nativity in Black 2: a Tribute to Black Sabbath
It Ain't Me Babe - Bob Dylan - Another Side of Bob Dylan
Black Dog - Led Zeppelin - IV
Check Your Head - Buckcherry - Buckcherry
What You Live By - Harvey Danger - Little By Little