I've had highs and lows, but I've never really suffered. I've felt pain, but never anguished; stumbled, but never fallen. I don't come from wealth, but I've always been comfortable. Money's tight now and then, but I've always had a roof over my head and food in my belly. I know where I am when I wake up in the morning, and if you asked me where I'll be living next month, I'd be able to tell you.
In other words, my existence is untested and therefore despicable. Twenty years and the biggest trial of my life was the product of stupidity and not circumstance. This constance and immutability is almost unbearable. There is never any change. My life has become stagnant.
I've always had respect for any person that can enjoy the value of nothing. A person sitting comfortably in her chair not fidgeting or seeming annoyed. Someone who's happy to exist, think and perhaps watch. If she seems amused, she is even greater.
In fact, it seems that anything worthwhile is born of observation and introspection, and everything beautiful is born of suffering.
I am not fool enough to hurt myself or wish for pain, so the best I can reasonably achieve is to watch and think about what I see. What I'm looking at isn't important. As soon as I'm able to experience and enjoy what I see with some modicum of wonder, I'll know I'm living correctly.
It seems that in a world where people try so hard to become something, the true challenge is to be and appreciate it.
2 comments:
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