Who needs a resolution when you're gearing up for a revolution?

Having figured out the point of human existence, I find myself overwhelmed by the sheer volume of minutiae that must be hammered into place. A metaphysical jigsaw puzzle. Only, the pieces all look the same and I'm missing the outer pieces. And the corners. The top of the box might come in handy, too.

So, instead of attempting to manage that intangible clusterfuck of an imbroglio, I'll instead reflect on my hard-learned lessons. Listen up, kids; you just might learn something.

This year probably deserves an overwrought angst-ridden diatribe instead of the philosophical fly-by I'm giving it, but I didn't get what I deserved this year either. We're even, 2006. I really didn't want to do a list, but it's either that or I write a book.

Grab a pencil. This is important stuff.

1. Love: I don't know if it exists yet, but the nature of what everyone calls "love" has become a little clearer to me. I would say that 75% of the dating couples I know and 90% of the couples in relationships I know are miserable. From what I see, people are looking for consolation and gratification from another person with their preference of crotch-equipment, at least until they have a petty disagreement and their rapture falls to pieces. There's gotta be more to the love thing. We can improve on this somehow; don't ask me, I'm no expert. That may not be love either, but it'll be better. I'm going to be trying a lot of different things to find it.

2. Justice: I can fathom something like love existing. Justice, on the other hand, does little more than piss me off. I read an article about a 17 year old kid being given 3-5 for statutory for having consenting oral sex with his 15 year old girlfriend. She didn't file charges, her parents did. And people call the sentence justice. It makes me shudder. The only reason people believe in justice is to get revenge on their transgressors, and the executors of justice only carry it out to make themselves feel better about their own transgressions. But Andy, shouldn't we punish the bad people? I'm not a man of religion, but Jesus said it best: "He without sin among you, cast the first stone."

3. Truth: One of the only ideas worth living for, and the single one worth dying for. Truth is the essence of meaning, and the creation of meaning is the whole point of existence. Lying is blasphemy; hypocrisy is sacrilege. There. I've told you the most important thing I can.

4. Good: The only good that you can ever do will never be done for yourself. Self-interest is not goodness; how great is the world if there is still pain, starvation, and suffering? That's a stupid question. Those things will never go away. Sure it's stupid, asshole. What do you suggest, ignoring the needy while you drink your $5 coffee in your car that burns money? I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having nice things. Any guilt you feel is because you know you should be helping those people. The least that you can do is vote for the right person. The most you can do is actually help your community. Call me what you will. If someone who believes in equality is a communist, paint me red and send me to China with a hammer and sickle.

5. Nothing: The most valuable use of doing nothing is to enjoy the time spent doing it. That's how you live a long, happy life. My grandmother told me that a while ago, and she's old, wise, and happy.

There you go. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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Soundtrack:
It Ain't Me, Babe - Bob Dylan - Another Side of Bob Dylan
Everyone Who Casts a Shadow - Wolfsheim - Casting Shadows
Now You've Got Something to Die For - Lamb of God - Ashes of the Wake
Listen Up - Deaf Pedestrians - Deaf Pedestrians
Riddle In Londontown - State Radio - Us Against the Crown