Speak the truth, or make your peace some other way

So, I'm not depressed. I'm mad and a little bit wary.

I'm supposed to talk to the ex. Why? Because people keep telling me I should. A lousy reason, indeed, but whatever. Maybe a nail in the coffin can be a good thing once in a while. Here's the deal:

I emailed her, suggesting that we talk. To be completely honest, I didn't expect a response. She's mad at me--which is odd, seeing as how I was the wronged--so I thought that she'd just delete it and we'd keep holding each other in casual contempt.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I get a response. She wants to talk. Probably because we're both on Dulcimer staff and we're sharing Dr. Stege's Lit class next semester. I guess that if she can't avoid me, she feels like she has to tolerate me. It's not exactly my idea of patching things up, which is what I had in mind.

She also says she feels like she owes me an explanation. I think I've heard enough, and any more is just going to rekindle my anger. Please, spare me the details.

As far as I can tell there's 3 likely outcomes:

1.) The worst - She'll try do defend what she did. I swear I'll leave the goddamn minute she tries to justify herself. Either that or we'll argue and one of us will storm off. Have you ever seen a pool of stagnant water, poked it with a stick, and something really fucking nasty floated to the surface? That's kinda what I'm expecting.

2.) Still bad - Nothing will be resolved. We'll sit there awkwardly for a while, try to convince ourselves that we're making some sort of headway, leave, and relapse. This is what happened last time we "made up." This is the most likely outcome.

3.) The best - We actually manage to chat a little, and manage to crack some of the ice that's formed over the past 5 months. We manage some sort of consensus where we try being friends (we've never really been friends, just lovers and enemies) or, failing that, cordial acquaintances. Oh, and I can finally hang out with my friends again.

For better or for worse, I guess I'll see this thing through. Thank you, Andrew, for encouraging me when I considered backing out. You're right. The only reason I feel like I'm hurting myself is because I'm letting down my walls to someone who took advantage of that openness before. Let's hope it doesn't happen again.

Soundtrack:
Sugarcoat - Breaking Benjamin - Saturate
Victim - Eighteen Visions - Eighteen Visions
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar
Kill Yourself - Mindless Self Indulgence - FGWSSS
Pull Harder on the Strings of Your Martyr - Trivium - Ascendency