Ode to silliness

Here's what I did:

I went to my Blogger profile and continually requested new random questions. These are the fruits of my labor.

1. If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?

“The Septuple Ninnyhammer Suplex Supreme”

2. What's the most amount of sand you've ever had in your swimming trunks?

That’s a tough question, but I’d estimate a good quarter-cup or so.

3. Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?

Sure. I’m not a rabbit.

4. What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?

I’d cover myself with icing, roll in graham cracker crumbs, and then put sprinkles on my hands and feet.

5. You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?

Alas! I no longer have a source of fire to roast my sugary goodness! Good thing I brought matches.

6. What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?

“The Aria of Perpluit Ambulations”

7. Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?

It will be made entirely out of obsidian gilded with platinum, and it will commemorate my victory over the Capri Sun pouch. Why are they so damn hard to drink?

8. You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.

I will befriend the goat with the gift of a slinky. When he jumps out of the well in search of stairs, I will grab his tail.

9. Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?

It’s likely, and we have the spork as evidence of the evolutionary process.

10. You've been entered in a shadow puppet contest. What's your best pose?

My remarkable rendition of Karl Marx.

11. What kind of tape is best for creating a sculpture?

While I’d normally be inclined to say that duct tape is the superior sculpture-making adhesive, I’ll give the nod to electrical tape since it comes in pretty colors.

12. If you drive on a parkway why don't they make the whole plane out of that?

Because of the traffic signals. What an obvious question.

13. Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?

Painted and laminated plasticware.

14. Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:

Circular motion with a knife. Be careful not to cut your thumb.

15. You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?

I’ll wear a hat. And then immediately retire with my bags of money.

16. Chicken monkey shoes?

I made them myself, and I would market them, but PETA is protesting outside.

17. What's the earliest you've gotten up to watch cartoons and what did you see?

It must have been about 6:00AM, and it was an episode of Looney Tunes where Elmer Fudd shoots Daffy Ducks beak around. Classic child-friendly violence.

18. When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?

Unfortunately, no. It looked like I made a mess. And it had a bubble in it. I’m no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the moon lacks bubbles.

19. Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?

Such is the fate of the turtle. They’ll never know the joys of streaking and exhibitionism.

20. You've been invited to a fancy ball but the only thing you have to wear is an orange wooly jumper. What shoes do you wear?

Black pumps.

That was fun. I'm going to do it again sometime.