Liberation: My Heart On the Table

A moment of your time, if you will. Imagine me, Andy Bodine, sitting at a table across from you.

Got it? Good. It's not hard so far. This next part might prove to be a little difficult for you, but I have faith in your imaginations.

Now picture me lifting up my skeletony hand and placing the fingers spread out just to the left of my sternum. Next imagine the knuckles starting to bend and the sound of fabric ripping. Visualize a gush of red, hear the tearing of flesh and the cracking of bone. Watch me grab my heart, rip it from its cavity, and slam it on the table still beating in a pool arterial blood on the table between us.

That's the impression I want this post to have, though if you've seen the Indina Jones and the Temple of Doom, you've already had the image somewhat ruined. George Lucas and Harrison Ford apologize.

That aside, I really feel as if I'm lying to everyone. I am a tremendous fake. After a profoundly confusing weekend, I've decided that keeping things bottled up doesn't help. Which brings me to my confessions: hard, sharp, biting truths.

1. People often tell me that I can "talk to them about anything." First off, most of you guys are full pretty words and hot air. In most cases, it's people who don't assure me of that fact that are best to talk to. Props to you, Amber, Ashley, Chris, and Julie. There's only one person that's really proven to me that I can talk to him about anything. God bless you, Andrew.
2. With the exception of precisely 7 people, everyone I've met at Mercer is full of shit.
3. If you've seen me in a good mood in the past two months, it's because of nicotine. I would stop, but I don't have the motivation yet.
   
4. If one more person tells me they're smarter than someone, I'm going to punch them in the teeth.
5. I would probably stop hating BFMcTC if I started dating again, as I wouldn't think about her anymore.
   
6. Item number five is extremely difficult, as I'm not actively pursuing anyone, and no one is actively pursuing me as far as I can tell.
   
7. I'm a hopeless romantic full of ideals, and I detest myself for it.
8. I'm only saying these things because Andrew doesn't deserve to hear me bitch an moan exclusively to him, and he's had a really rough weekend because he cares about his friends. I don't have anyone to talk to, really, so it ends up on the internet.
9. I'm. Sick. Of. Excuses. If you're busy studying or something, I completely understand. On the other hand, if you're going to blow me off, do it blatantly. Tell me, "Andy. I don't want to hang out with you today/I actually don't like you that much, let's stop hanging out." It'll make things a lot easier.

That was incredibly refreshing. I guess I don't need to smoke if I can actually talk about what ails me, even if it's on a computer and no one gives a shit. I would consider praying about it, but God isn't much for company. He's probably busy with someone with real issues.

P.S. If you tell me it's okay to come to you with my problems, you'd better mean it.

This post's soundtrack:
Beautiful Like Me - Joydrop - Metasexual
Backdrifts - Radiohead - Hail To the Thief
Rapture - Hurt - Vol. 1
Hands Away - Interpol - Turn On the Bright Lights
Paper Thin Hymn - Anberlin - Never Take Friendship Personal