Standing in the rain (milk carton mugshot, baby!)

Ah, the wonder that is unrequited love. Person A may love Person B, but Person B is in love with Person C, C in love with D. Maybe it’s just a crush, maybe it’s an unappreciated devotion, or maybe it’s two people embarrassed to admit their feelings. Perhaps Persons A, B, C, and D are individually suffering from one of those situations. Maybe C knows that B likes them, but they like D even though D treats C like shit. Just one of the interesting observations I’ve had recently. It’s a chain of misery, yet we will all inevitably subject ourselves to it in some point in our lives.

I’m also reminded of my recent interests, two of whom have offhandedly told me off and a third that doesn’t know I like her. They all have something in common: they’re all hopelessly devoted to someone who does and will not appreciate them. That brings me to another interesting observation.

All these people are the same person. They embody the same sets of beliefs and have the same attitude towards the ones who are devoted to them. They have paper-thin coats of kindness that hide their true colors. They’re like monsters hiding behind mirrors; unexpected lovers think they see themselves in the jerk/bitch, but it just belies the horrible truth.

I’ve thought about this, and I’ve begun seeing myself drift towards that attitude. I could do it; I have the money, and the looks are almost in place. I have friends that have gone for that ideology, and they aren’t necessarily all guys. They’ve had mixed success, but it’s more success than I.

You know what, though, I don’t really give a crap if what I’m doing isn’t really working out too well. I’m not going to compromise my character for the graces of others. I’m a hopeless nice guy, and I’m probably going to finish last. I’ve got all those losing qualities: I’m a good listener, I care about people, I like knowing how your day went, I like knowing how you feel, I value your opinion, I like knowing what you think, I can compromise, I think talking’s fun, and I’m loyal. So, yeah. I’m going to be shit out of luck in my love life for a while because girls don’t want that. They want pretentious pricks who have nice things.

I won’t sacrifice my dignity to be like them, even though I could be just like them.

“I will treat you well,
My sweet angel.
So help me, Jesus.”
(Possum Kingdom – The Toadies)