Sing for absolution

Man. I've been in some pretty weird states lately. My moods have ebbed and flowed, but, for now, at least, I'm cautiously in a good mood. I guess that two days of only really talking with Lyn and Andrew will do that to me, as they've helped me realize a major flaw in the way I'm conducting myself.

In essense, they've both told me both directly and indirectly that I've been heading in the wrong direction. I've been looking for a relationship when I should just be dating. Trying new things and meeting new people. Lyn said it best when she told me, "You're looking for someone to call a girlfriend." She's right, though. What I need now is to explore my tastes in women. Different races, religions, creeds, etc. I've not even been around for two decades. Why the hell have I been looking for a relationship?

I want, more than anything else, to learn something about myself through the people I date. I don't want to wind up thinking I have the woman I want when, in actuality, I'm heading for a nasty break-up/divorce.

I'm also looking at how I conduct and maintain my frienships. My best friends, I've noticed, all have something in common. When they ask how I am, and I tell them that I'm honestly in a bad mood, they ask why. They don't give me that "Oh, I'm sorry" bullshit. They listen and offer advice, not just consolation. It's come to the point that I don't want a bunch of fringe friends that require me to parade around in masks. I'm going to stick with an intimate few that care about me and like me for who I am.

On a completely different note (pun intended), I've discovered a desire to create music. I've found my singing voice, which isn't half bad--just an octave or so higher than I would like. I guess that's what happens when your father and grandfather were tenors as well. I've gotten into writing lyrics, which has proven to be a bit of fun ever since my muse got revived. I'm thinking about talking to Dr. Cass about learning guitar, as he's pretty good. As I said in an essay last year, "I've long since given up on perfection, so creativity is as close to godliness as I'll ever get."

What? No lyrics this post? Nah.